Motivation

Watching everyone get their A-level results was a scary experience.

Okay fine, my primary purpose of being in the hall was to be more of a "resident spy" (as Daddy put it) and inform my family of Jean's results. I was also armed with a camera to capture Jean's moment of glory on stage.

I even took pictures of her signing her papers to collect her result slip when it occurred to me (actually, jasmine pointed it out) that nobody would do that for me next year! I shall have to hold a camera in one hand and take pictures of myself.

How sad.

Anyhoos, Jean got 7 DISTINCTIONS :) SOOOOO PROUD OF MY SMART SISTER <3

I always knew she would do well, it was a just a matter of HOW WELL. HAHAHAHA.

Okay, the general mood in the hall was really...

I don't know how to describe it

tragic? A combination of BLEAH + SADNESS. There were no shrieks of joy and those that were disappointed generally hid it quite well.

But watching people cry (OF SADNESS) just made me think


HELL NO, I'M NOT GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE NEXT YEAR.

One of the worst feelings in the world is disappointing yourself in something as major as your A LEVELS.

a) KNOWING you could have done much better if you put in more effort


b) Giving your best and *FAILING

Take your pick on which one is worse. Either way, both would SUCK.

And I'm glad I was in the hall to give me that little jolt to remind me that basically, (in true MJ fashion)

THIS IS IT.

It's my final year in the grey uniform with white socks (HA) and I need the impetus to start studying harder.

Yes, I may spend lots of time talking about cute teachers and guys but I am also going to be equally serious about my work.

Okay, waaaay more serious about my work.

Ooooh I was eye flirting throughout my 74 bus ride with this army dude today. Hehehehe >:) And I got rewarded with a little sensuous curve of his lips and a little more eye contact before he descended down the stairs.

AHHHHH, he totally made my day :) Even though he had pock marks. But really nice eyes.

Okay he probably wasn't that cute. It was a just a temporary moment of infatuation.

Yeah...where was I? Okay, I'm gonna stop sleeping on the sofa and complete my homework instead.

*failing based on your own expectation. I don't mean it literally, like a U grade or smth

WHY PEOPLE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS

I was reflecting on relationships. Between friends. And I came to a rather brilliant (even if I do say so myself >:]) conclusion on why some people can stay best friends for so long.

1. You excel in different areas

This drastically reduces feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. It is an innate understanding that your best friend is supremely talented in one area but you’re better in another. Hence when your friend does well, it’s with complete and genuine sincerity that you congratulate him/her. And vice-versa.

Alternatively, one of you must really have ZERO competitive instinct and willing to let the other person outshine you all the time. That however, is highly unlikely.

Just occurred to me that another option is – both of you are EQUALLY GOOD. You take turns coming in first or second. Then really, there is no need to feel so jealous of the other person. “Competitiveness” comes into play again, except this time it’s HEALTHY competition. Totally acceptable. Y’know, like Melody and Nick on the first season of So You Think You Can Dance. Soooo cute.

ORRRR, the other person can be better than you in every aspect but you love that person so wholeheartedly you want nothing but the best for the other person. That would be Jean and I. I have had so many people ask me whether I feel inferior to her, teachers perpetually making comparisons between us but I can NEVER bear a grudge against her or something. It’s not her fault she got the bigger brain. Or is skinnier. Better at running. I am incredibly proud of her <3 Like yeah, that’s MY sister.

2. Common interests

Only then will you ALWAYS enjoy spending time together. Like watching hot guys or trying on clothes. Being able to always talk to each other about anything is important too.

3. Inducing the ‘AWWW’ factor

It’s the little sweet things like having somebody always remember to wish you all the best or have fun or plan birthday surprises that make you incredibly grateful to have the other person in your life. And you know you’ll do the same.

4. Let it out

When Maria is unhappy she will simply sms something like “MARIE-THERESE PANG. I HATE YOU……”

HAHAHAHAHA. Yeah I still remember. That was in JH3. She thought I told Jean something I was sworn to secrecy about.

If you don’t dare to tell your friend what’s bothering you, it might keep accumulating. There would be burgeoning grudges or unhappiness that might ultimately cause irreparable damage to your friendship.

But at the same time, don’t be COMPLETELY straightforward. Especially if your comments are mean.

I'm an exception >:D HAHAHAHA. JiaHui once said I can make fun of everybody and get away with it. When I laughed at Mr Iskandar, Ms Oon was like “How do you do it?”

AHAHAHA. I really don’t know. Maybe because I tell my embarrassing incidents to everyone too and I laugh at myself so nobody really takes me seriously. Then again,many people probably take offense and I don't even know. I might have secret haters. HAHA.

5. Cannot be completely whiny

Who the hell wants to listen to someone else talk about themselves the entire time?! My life doesn’t revolve around you and your concerns. It’s nice to be whiny and always have someone comfort you, but after a while no one wants to always want to be your comforter. Go call up tinklefriend to complain about your life or something.

6. Boosting of the ego

That’s the ‘feel-good’ factor. Like how all the indian dancers tell each other constantly "OMG YOU LOOK SO SEXY/HOT"? Yeah, same theory applies. It's just nice to have friends who are supportive.

7. Similar Backgrounds

For example, I would find it hard to be best friends with a staunch Buddhist or something. Not that you can't be FRIENDS, but to relate completely would be difficult. Or if your best friend is extremely poor, you will always have to consider what you're going to eat or where you're going to go. Troublesome.

(NO I AM NOT LOOKING DOWN ON POOR PEOPLE. It's a fact of life.)

STRESS MONSTER

I

HATE

ABSOLUTELY DETEST

ABHOR

being stressed.

But I really am right now, even though there is this little part of me denying it and refusing to believe that I'm terribly stressed.

But I am ): And I am so grumpy because of it.

I have SOOOO much to do and so little time.

That's the struggle of practically every JC kid so I have no right to complain :/ Okay scratch that, I'm TOTALLY going to complain.

I prefer last year when I would just waltz into class without completing my homework and feel totally nonchalant about it. Not this year, I have expectations of myself and pressure from teachers. Even though I occasionally come to class armed with substandard, hastily completed stuff

AT LEAST I'M DOING MY HOMEWORK THIS YEAR.

That's a good thing.

Besides being bombarded with craploads of homework, there's also extra lessons, dance, dance admin stuff, humanities scholars' activities, compiling stuff, extra essays to write, programs to sign up for, NO MAID, looking up on universities, lecture tests to worry about, growing fat and pimply etc.

It's more than my vulnerable self can cope with ): HAHA okay I'm not vulnerable. I just like to pretend to be. Makes me feel more feminine.

But here's what I just feel like saying to some people right now:

SHIT. YOU.

Go do the sai kang yourself. Kthxbye.

Write a poem.

BOTANIC GARDENS' BABY 

written after admiring the little angmoh boy marge took a picture of in botanic gardens. He's my desktop picture btw, too adorable <3

Let me stroke your wispy curls

Shape my cheek against the milky contours of yours

Fall into the blue of your eyes

And never return.

Bow shaped lips, button nose

The large orbs whispering secrets

Only you know. I can tell.

Your hearty laugh escaping like bubbles

Floating in the sunshine.

You’re a beauty.

In 10 years’ time,

Save a dance for me.

Please?

Secret In lit class today I wanted to make a point to Huiling about the use of the word "loops" in the poem. I couldn't phrase my point accurately and I got annoyed with myself. I thought of autistic people then, how hard it must be to not be able to express themselves.

I'm choking on words.

Frustration boils

Pounds heartlessly

silently mocking 

my inadequacy.

I contort the shape of my mouth.

Squeeze my breath

Only for the rush of wind.

I am defective.

I've tried.

I'm trying.

My body vibrates and I will 

not wet my face with shame.

It's okay to have thoughts the world doesn't know

elusive and shrouded in mystery.

You're a prize, baby.

Hold on to that.

Okay if you think the poems are crappy, well, it's because I took less than 10 minutes to write both of them. Hahahaha. Writing is so therapeutic though. I love it.

Maybe

Maybe I want to write a novel
beneath the trees, hair blowing

tongue kissing the tip of my pen

words pouring forth like the ocean in front of me.

Endless.

Maybe I want to caress a leather-bound journal
in a wooly grey sweater
sipping Starbucks
and watch my fingers dance on a page of words from my heart.

But maybe...

Maybe I'm not good enough for words.



HOW DO POETS/WRITERS DO IT ANYWAY????

Twist words and form puzzles for the reader to solve.

Maybe Carol Ann Duffy's IQ is 200 or so. I think her neurons are connected differently such that you think nothing much of what she has written at first,
but when you immerse yourself in her world, her language,
something inside you stirs in part jealousy and part admiration as you
Unscramble the alphabets. You don't get a prize, but hell,
you do it anyway. You do it for The Art Of Beautiful Language.

Leonardo DiCaprio!

Damnnn,

we will probably never get rid of the camwhoring fad.

It's just what happens when two bimbos are put together. Yes Nisha, I'm including you in the somewhat derogatory term.

Hehe.

At least i'm saying you're pretty :)

Yesterday I was watching shutter island at 1.30am with Joan halfway when I decided my sleep and curing my pimples were more important. So I informed her I was going to sleep.

Joan: *becomes all whiny* WHYYYYYYYY. Don't sleep! It's so interesting!

Me: I have a reading tomorrow. I'm tired.

Joan: Your reading is at 11am! What's wrong with you! Continue watching with me leh.

Me: *pauses* Nah. I'm going to sleep.

Joan: I HATE YOU!

And she admitted the next morning that after I went to bed she turned the lights on. HAHAHAHA. Scaredy-cat.

I really want to finish watching shutter island though. It was pretty cool. And even if is not, Leonardo is pretty HOTTTT <3 

And that is all it takes to make a good movie. Really.

I'm currently in my MARIE HAS NO LIFE mode, except that I've been playing kinect excessively, just because I like shaking my butt. And because life is too short to not know the joy butt-shaking brings. 

Okay pretend I didn't say that.

I can talk about the Cold War and inter-state tensions instead. Totally.

Happiness is a state of mind

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANYTHING OTHER THAN


I AM HAPPYYYYY :D

I have had enough of my grumpy days (mostly due to stressing over what books to choose for H3 lit) but now that the draft is over, I cannot afford to be sullen anymore. I think it is making me look old and pimply.


And how can I attract a sec 4 boy if I look old?

Hehehe.

Jean has a relatively hot tution kid. I am sooo jealous they get to spend 2 hours undisturbed together. Life is unfair.

When I saw him at the door yesterday, I momentarily froze while eating my organic apricots. He said "Hi" totally charmingly

and ooooooooh

I melted. I was like, HOLYMOLY THIS IS THE KID JEAN IS TEACHING?!?!

I had this impression he was going to be a scrawny little sec 4 but no, he is this buff, smart (according to jean) dude that got me fawning over him.

Okay. I must clarify I do not have pedophiliac instincts or something. I am born in DECEMBER, thus it makes me only slightly more than a year older than him.

A perfectly legitimate crush.

Right. Anyhoos, he has a bit of pimples but that is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Like my marriage at the end of the year.

Did I mention? I am going to get married on 12.12.12, since it'll be my eighteenth birthdayyyy and I decided to make that day a special, happy occasion!

POTENTIAL HUSBAND NO.1 TEEHEEEHEE.

Except he doesn't know my name.

Hmmm. But no matter! Small problem which is surmountable.

(PS yes I seem like a fangirl but I don't REALLY like him, in case you're retarded and don't get that. I think he is cute merely because I am bored.)

Too late to back out

I think I made a mistake taking H3.

I surmise by now Mr Dio would know I'm not much of an intellectual given my lacklustre answers to his "What do you think about....?" questions.

Which happen to be very frequently posed, by the way. I would just give a bashful giggle and hem and haw. Yeah...not very intellectual :/

I love my library sessions. I hate the fact that national library is so far from my house (kinda) and squeezing on the train isn't very fun, but I love the immense pleasure of reading a book without feeling guilty. It's LEGITIMATE reading. (Even though I would really love to read my princess diaries series too.) I can't remember the last time I read so many books within such a short span of time.

And it's the reason why I decided to take Lit H3 anyway. Because doing it wouldn't seem like a chore. Ms Oon was like "What are you focusing on for your paper?"

Me "Uh...I haven't really decided yet."

Ms Oon "I told you to take H3 history already! See lah, should have just followed in your sister's footsteps."

But I can't picture myself trawling through boring old history books. I look at my history notes and I feel like crying (okay, exaggeration here), so how can I look through history BOOKS and know that this was the path I chose?

Impossible.

Back to literature. One of the reasons why I'm so scared is because I fear I won't be able to select three good, proper books to analyze as texts. The deadline for the proposal is FOUR stupid days away, totally insufficient for me to even finish up half the texts I'm considering.

And we're not given enough guidance. Basically I meet up with Mr Dio for 15-30minutes on thursday mornings. Of course, I am permitted to text him random questions like "Can I consider girl in translation as one of the texts? It's around O level standard though"

To which he replies "Nah, ..."

I was so upset. I spent three hours reading (and shedding tears midway) through that awesome book.

Yes I cried in the library. One of the reasons why literature is so amazing is that it stimulates my tear ducts so my contact lenses won't get so dry. Imagine if I was reading a history book instead. Mammon Inc. was another book I couldn't put down. And O level standard-ish. ):

Anyhoos, I would rather have someone dictate what I should do instead of me figuring things out myself y'know? I'm lazy that way. I know it's against the rules and Mr Dio is already awesome as a mentor, but I'm too dumb to figure out what is good. 

Another reason, I love books but I really am not competent in literature. Exam questions are still manageable but a 3000 word essay?

That's like telling my mummy to stop acting cute. Really, really hard.

But let's try to look at it positively.

I think it's teaching me discipline. It's improving my ability to analyze. It's always good to have saturdays to myself, I may be noisy but I also appreciate quality time alone. There are the occasional cute guys in national library ;) It's gonna take a toll on my brain so maybe this intellectual stimulation is connecting my neurons or something, hopefully. I love reading.

Okay I'm now going to be happy and productive and I'm not going to question why I'm doing this :D And I'm going to watch vampire diaries tonight as a reward. Damonnnnnn, I've missed you so much.

Jack and the Beanstalk- as told by a two year old

OMG, this.

This is the reason why I want to have kids.

HE IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE. I watch this video everytime I'm bored or grumpy and I never get tired of it.

Too cute :)

Annoying my mum :D

Our maidless story continues....

Mummy: Therese! *beams* I'm going to boil more rice and put it in the freezer so I don't have to wash the rice pot so many times.

Me: Uh, wasn't that what I told you to do long ago? I told you to put rice in the fridge and just warm it up.

Mummy: You said to put it in the fridge! I'm going to put it in the freezer!

Me: It's the same thing! And now you go around pretending like it was your brilliant idea.

Mummy: *pauses for a long while* WHATEVER! *walks off*


Mummy: Therese, if you see a nice leather bag can you help me get it?


Me: What's wrong with your current one? 


Mummy: I like a smaller bag. Like this one *points to a small brown one*


Me: But carrying such a small bag would just make you look bigger in comparison!


Mummy: WHATEVER! I'm going to punch your stomach.



HAHAHAHAHA :D Okay so the last sentence makes her sound a little retarded. But I think she said that because I've been complaining recently that I have grown a POUCH.

Before you haughtily inform me a huge stomach is a paunch,

I say I have a pouch because y'know how the kangaroo has a pouch to hold its little baby?

Yeah I look like that too ):

Sad life of a person who has no time to exercise and has been eating too many pineapple tarts and bakwa.

I lost my sense of humour

Funny old post in JH3 :D

"You can be each other's lesbian partners" - anonymous

Me: Kay, are you feeling better? :D Will you come to school on monday?

SMS CONVERSATION STARTS HERE! OMG I LOVE MARIA <3 <3

Maria:
Still feeling so sick,
don't know which one to pick.
Heehee okay I'm feeling so lame,
the poetry's to blame.

Marie:
Instead of feeling like crap,
I pray you'd feel fab!
Don't fret over your pimples,
be glad you don't have wrinkles.
School without you would be a bore,
It'll feel like such a chore

Maria:
Babe, don't worry,
I'm really pretty sorry.
School can't be that bad,
don't be so sad.
I hope it'll turn yellow,
so you'll become a jolly little fellow.
I'll try to come I guess,
but school food's so lousy to digest. HAHA.

Marie:
What if the school turns green,
the fate can't be seen
The school food may suck,
but without you my skies would turn dark.
So say you'd come please,
Or I'd tell everyone you've contracted the pimple disease!

Maria:
I'd not come if I'm sick,
Not cos on my face that pimple sticks.
And of course I'll come to school,
just to catch that one glimpse of you.
I guess I'll see how,
but I can't tell you now.
And your skies would still be on fire,
cos he's the one you'll ever desire.

Marie:
Honey don't be a fool,
How can life without you be cool.
You're all i ever desire,
there will never be another.
You'd be eating porridge at home,
when i ring you on the phone.
Haven't seen you in four days,
don't carry on this phrase.

Maria:
I won't be eating porridge at home,
probably be licking my chicken bone.
Ohh fine, I guess I'll spare some time to go to school,
just to see you.
Then I'll have to finish my work,
cos I've been sleeping since you burped.

Marie:
Now that my aim has been accomplished,
I guess this cute conversation can cease.
I'm looking forward to seeing you,
Hope you feel the same way too!

Maria:
Went down to eat cake,which my new maid can't make. Yeah yeah fine. Your poetry kinda convinced me to go to school! Can't believe it. Fine I'll see you in school tmr :D

LOVE POEMS FTW.

Overdue (vain) photos

Hehehehe.

I'm vain and self-lovin'. Just thought you should know.

Okay and I just love photobooth. I don't know why. But it sure beats facebook anyway.

I was bored in Jurong Library.

And got strange stares from the librarians.

Before PE

Weikai crashed.

Jiahui so kewtzxzxz. Hahaha.

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRR :D

I took this photo and marge shot me a disgusted look.

"YOU THINK YOU VERY CUTE AH?"

Me: As a matter of fact....I do! HEHEHEHEH >:)

(Uh, it was mostly said to annoy marge. I don't REALLY think I'm cute. Just in case you think I'm that disgusting.)

CNY '12

/Pictures are all not mine.

I was in an exceedingly foul mood last friday.

But the pictures look happy. There were good moments.

03 at sakae sushi!

THE JH WERE SOOOO AMAZING DURING THE CNY PERFORMANCE :D

Incredibly proud of them :')

Jasmine and lulu!

But I had total valid reasons to be grumpy.

I screwed up my emcee-ing shizzapoo.

Though I feel compelled to mention that I NEVER WANTED TO DO IT FROM THE BEGINNING.

I knew I would be a bad emcee already.

And Chieun Wei told me I had BACK ACNE.

WHEN I REALLY REALLY DON'T! IT'S RASHES! So I retorted indignantly that at least I didn't use to have acne on my FACE.

Which was a mean thing to say I guess. So I felt bad.

And when I came home, mummy KEPT bossing me around to do household chores.

Mummy: *peers at my computer screen* YOU'RE NOT DOING ANY SCHOOL WORK! Can you help out more?

Me: SO MY LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO REVOLVE AROUND SCHOOL WORK AND HOUSEWORK NOW? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

And PMS.

That concludes the end of my grumpy day. I realised it takes a lot of effort to be in a dour mood.

An Insect

My dad (on occassion) possesses some wit. HAHAHAHA.

Seldom happens though.

The other day some huge insect was flying near the lights and we were all frightened that it was a bee, since my dad is terribly allergic to bees.

Me: Daddy just run away!

Daddy: *walks closer* I think it's a huge bee or flying ant.

Marge: I think it's a mini cockroach.

Daddy: Nonsense. It's definitely not a cockroach.

Marge: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

Daddy: Because it doesn't look like you.


---------------------------------------------------------------------

Daddy: Why is the toilet so smelly?

Jean: Sorry I just farted.

Daddy: You should have just let the insect stay here just now. Wouldn't need insecticide to kill it.

The Pimple

Emcee-ing for CNY in LT5 and I am sooooooo dreading it >:(

I already know I am going to be the worst emcee on earth.

Give me a standard script and I will be perfectly fine but


"C'MON NJCCCCC, MAKE SOME NOISEEEEEEEEEE"

Uh, no way in hell man.

Except that is exactly what I'm expected to do this friday. Life sucks.

And I had to skip HISTORY lessons for a poorly organised rehearsal today. Out of all the lessons, I hate missing history the most because it is sooo important. If I fail, I swear they ought to compensate me.

Oh and we have to make our own scripts >:( When I complained that I couldn't possibly write a script without any information on what song the performers are singing in the first place, I was duly informed I should be more

"pro active"

and find out myself.

Such a glamorous job.

Yes. Note my sarcasm. Urghhh.

Oh but there was an amusing incident. Mr Eli's playing the harmonica.

Me: *gasping in concern* Did you cut your lips while blowing your harmonica?

Mr Eli: Uh no. *continues dabbing with more blood coming out*

Me: Oh. Then why is there blood?

Mr Eli: Because my pimple on my chin just burst.

AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING IN HIS FACE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It was really so, so amusing and I had no intention of being rude but... I couldn't help it.

Mr Eli: Shut up and go away.

I obeyed. God bless my lovely soul.

I'm in Jurong library sieving through like 20439420 books for something to write in my literature research paper draft.

When all I really REALLY want to do is run to the fiction section and grab the whole Princess Diaries book series and lap it up like a cat who got its milk.

Wait. Do cats drink milk?

45 weeks to A levels, baby.

49 weeks to the end.

And I will come running back to read my princess diaries. CAN'T WAIT :D

/EDIT: On another note, I totally regret not doing my history homework in advance. Now it's just piled up along with my lit research paper and I'm wondering

HOW THE HELL am I ever going to get my mandatory dose of sleep today. I know I will be falling asleep in every lesson tomorrow and that sucks ):

I wanna have my nerdy good girl image intact y'know.