YEAH. YOU WISH. HAHAHAHAHA.
Okay but I'm gonna write down some stuff about myself that I guess I never verbalized. It's good to reflect sometimes, feel all zen and stuff. Ha.
1) My favourite thing to do on the bus (besides sleep :D) is to eavesdrop on peoples' conversations and (I'm sorry to say this) judge them. I knowww, that seems like typical bitchy marie, BUT I believe such a habit also hones my observation and literary skills where nuances are picked up, magnified and analysed.
ANYHOOS, I have learnt a lot of interesting life stories about other peoples' family life, boyfriend woes and all that drama mama tales. Hehehehehe.
I wonder what people who hear me talk on the bus think of me.
2) I thrive on attention.
Not so much praise. Praise makes me feel awkward, unless it's from someone I'm close to. Attention, on the other hand, seems genuine - it makes me want to push myself to stand out. Once I asked Jean what I should wear and she said "Wear the corset top lah. Since trying to look hot is your ultimate goal in life"
She didn't mean it in an insulting manner. We both laughed and I only realised the truth in that statement later on.
Except I have zero self-control and with only mummy and daddy home now, the situation is EVEN WORSE. Basically, we sit around (both before and after dinner) and eat tons of peppero sticks and dairy milk chocolate together.
God's gift to mankind, really. I loveeeeeee peppero almond.
Bleah. So much sugar and calories but completely irresistible ):
Hence I can never be hot. Who knew parents' were such a bad influence? ):
3) I told everyone in primary school that I was going to become Ms Singapore Universe.
And I sincerely believed that too, at the grand old age of 10. Which was basically a big joke because I LOOKED REALLY CRAPPY AS A KID. And I was a midget.
Funny thing is, no one actually told me that to my face. I'm still surprised.
4) I can still be nervous when teachers single me out in class.
One would think that close to 14 years of education would make me immune to this kind of crap. Okay fine, only Ms Oon does that. I'm perfectly okay with volunteering answers or asking questions but Ms Oon has a habit of randomly calling people (which SUCKS) and half the time I'm just praying I don't get called or hearing my own heart drumming against my chest and stumbling through some nonsense.
5) I lie and believe my own lies.
At the risk of people thinking "OOOOOH THAT LITTLE LIAR" (suddenly reminded of Duffy's poem Liar), yes, I am actually quite a good liar. More often that not, because I BELIEVE in my own lie, so much so that it becomes the truth for me.
Take a harmless one such as this for example: I looked at my exam timetable schedule, saw that my history paper started at 2.30pm, and told myself it started at 2 instead.
I repeated the 2 o'clock timing to myself and I actually forgot the actual timing. HAHAHA so I panicked on the actual day and thought I was definitely gonna be late for my paper but fortunately, the paper started at 2.30 instead ;)
6) I have a fear of being rejected
I think I mentioned this before somewhere but I'm only starting to realise how true this is now. I was helping to sell coupons the other day at St Anne's church. I'm not much of a salesperson. That is a SUCKY job I hope I never have to take up again. When people said "No" to buying the tickets, it felt like a personal blow. I was seriously hurt. The number of tickets I managed to sell or whatever was inconsequential, what mattered was people refusing me. Which is why I'm really apprehensive about applying to any UK/US universities/scholarship boards etc. - I hate the feeling of rejection.
I am usually lucky. I have never felt extreme disappointment EVER. I tend to get my way or have a streak of luck.
On a side note, I really admire pushy salespeople, no matter how annoying they are.
7) I believe people have a mistaken impression of me
I categorise them into two groups: People who think I'm nerdy and hardworking & people who believe I'm only a bimbo
I did math on the flight to India and some people were like "How do you do it! You can study anywhere!"
And I'm like..."Uh, no. No I can't."
Or people who think I'm this vain, ditzy person who doesn't care about her studies.
Well, I'm kinda in-between. I'm not hardworking, trust me. You haven't seen my sisters. Neither am I completely disconnected with my studies either. I WANT to do well, I set goals for myself and I believe (most of the time) that I can actually do it. Whether I have the discipline to carry them out - that's a different story.
8) I have a fear of being a spinster
Okay maybe being single and old isn't such a bad thing.
I'm admittedly selfish. I love doing things for myself and having my own personal space without having to constantly care for somebody else. Texting perpetually is a chore, having someone occupy your thoughts isn't fun and why the hell should I have to worry about another person's feelings.
But I would want to get married in the future, experience true love and the cliche stuff we all secretly sway to in love songs. And babiessssssss! I want to have kids and teach them what life is about. Let them explore and fall, witness miracles and tragedies, find little treasures in the darkest corners and be a blessing to others.
And then, I wanna pinch my grandkids cheeks. Tell them stories from the perspective of an ancient woman and be one of those cute old ladies people would just WANT to give up their seat for on the MRT. Hehehehehe.
9) I don't know if I'm sociable or shy.
I still am unable to discern if I'm more comfortable being with people or by myself. I do feel pretty weird when I'm in a large room with people I don't know and I always tend to just stick to people I'm comfortable with. Especially at formal social gatherings, I have a perpetual fear of embarrassing myself so I stay away from conversations with any diplomats/ministers/high-profile people.
That being said, I love talking to random strangers. Conversations are often most interesting when you know nothing about someone at all. I like it when people talk to me first - it gives me an impression of openness and conversation is usually pretty smooth after that. I get along surprisingly well with old people too. Hahaha.
But on my grumpy days - just don't talk to me. Hahahahaha. Really. I'm snappy, irritable and I prefer fuming at nothing in silence.
10) I'm glad I got the worst brains in the family
That's because at least my self-esteem is still healthy and based on my personality, I figure I take it best in my stride. I bet if Joan was dumber that the rest of us, she'll be wallowing in self-pity and hating life. Hahahahaha. Trust me.
I think it's really sad when one person is an exception (in a bad way) in the family.
For example, all your siblings are skinny and you are fat. Or everyone has good skin but yours sucks. Y'know, that kinda thing.
So anyway, God plans things in a certain way and at least I have the best skin among my sisters HEHEHEHEHEHEH.
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